Premature Home-Sickness

I knew I was going away for seven months but it was only in the week before I left that it hit me. I was leaving on Boxing Day to study in Canada for four months and then travel for another three. The week before Christmas was a blend of seeing Brisbane through rose-coloured lenses, utter terror, excitement and impatience.

Over the summer holidays I had gotten into the habit of going for walks first thing in the morning. The sun isn't as overbearing, there's still the smell of dew in the air and there are so many cute dogs going on walks. It was during these walks that I started appreciating more and more what I loved about Brisbane: the tree-laden streets, the constant birdsong, the sound of bees in jacaranda trees, creeks bubbling away after rain, the smell of frangipanis. I was not sad per se but I just felt it was very important to notice these things while I could.

Then came the fear. I woke up two days before Boxing Day asking myself what had I done? Why would I want to leave home? It's so comfortable here and I have my family and I get meals and I can drive and I just got a double-bed and now I have to go back to sleeping in a single bed. I wondered if it was too late to just cancel everything.

Above all the largest burden weighing me down was financial responsibility. I was simply terrified I would run out of money or some disaster would happen and I would need to spend thousands of dollars to fix it. I'd only been saving for exchange for six months instead of a full year due to illness. I have been working since I was 15 years old and now I would be unemployed and spending money - and lots of it.

To add insult to injury, there were a few last minute provisions to acquire and emails to send. All of this pressed on me and I felt completely unequipped. But funnily enough by the end of the day, I had completed all the tasks that I had needed to do and I started to feel something: excitement.

Finally! I started feeling warm and excited about all the places I would see and all things I would do. By the time I got to the airport on Boxing Day this feeling had dulled a little; I was more impatient to be off than anything. I felt like an automaton boarding the plane - not excited particularly but not worried about all the tasks I had to do when I arrived in Canada.

I was just a passenger on a plane trip, more concerned about leg room than the adventures ahead...

#travel #brisbane #planes